Nothing says fun like arts and crafts and live-action puppets on “The Celebrity Apprentice.”
The only question that hung, like an unspoken cloud of billowy smoke, over this week’s challenge, however, was who was controlling whom behind the scenes.
With loud-mouthed Aubrey O’Day taking a relative vow of silence after last week’s board room blow-up, this week’s episode belonged - without a doubt - to Lisa Lampanelli, who gleefully took on the role of project manager for Team Forte.
Stoic Paul Teutul, Sr. took on the leadership position for Team Unanimous.
The task? To create an improv Jim Henson Studios puppet production - starting with designing and building the puppets themselves.
At the beginning of the episode, both teams take to their respective work spaces to construct puppets for their adult improv show.
Teresa immediately grabs at just about every piece of material on the table to create a furry yellow creature Arsenio helps her dub Fabulina.
Aubrey bites her tongue as Fabulina undergoes several wardrobe and weave changes.
“If that’s how you feel, Teresa, you’re going to have to use her and love her,” the redhead cautions. At least the singer’s learning to simmer down a bit.
Meanwhile, over at Team Forte, Clay Aiken is adapting to the “piss and vinegar” that make up Lisa’s personality by playing court jester, and the team seems to be getting along relatively well.
That is, except for Dayana Mendoza, whose pouty indifference is second only to Paul’s swivel-chair do-nothingness.
When Eric Trump comes calling (sans hunting guns, thankfully), even he can’t seem to charm the beauty queen into fessing up to her agitation.
“This is my first time making a puppet, yes, Eric,” Dayana says icily as the blond Trump attempts to strike up conversation.
Now, is that really any way to speak with a Trump minion?
Turns out, that’s just the way Dayana feels like speaking to everyone this week.
When the team attempts to rehearse for the big night, Dayana barely bothers to call it in, still upset, Lisa claims, because she’s not front and center.
The tension escalates the next day, when Lisa goes - in Clay’s words - “from zero to 60.”
One moment she’s not stressing, the next she’s screaming at Dayana, and the next she’s blaming Penn and Clay for not stepping in to interfere and then, oh no! she’s in tears.
The woman’s like an unpredictable volcano of emotions!
But she manages to reel it in for their performance just moments later, and the comedienne and Clay go “balls to the wall” with their puppetry.
Team Unanimous isn’t so successful, at least initially, because with Teresa commandeering a puppet, the show gets off to a rocky start.
Aubry successfully rallies the crowd with a cry of “Puppet up!” but Teresa fails to step up her game and is constantly confused about what’s going on.
“I feel like we won, even if we didn’t,” mute Aubry offers at the end of their show.
Ominous words, my friend. Ominous words.
Because, as it turns out, Team Unanimous doesn’t win.
In the boardroom, Lisa breaks down in tears over what she claims to be her fear of being seen as a “villainous comedian” and Penn and Clay engage in a brief discussion about what it means to be too big to puppet or too small to host.
But it’s the sneaky tension on Team Forte that really seals the losing team’s fate.
Paul chooses to bring back Aubry and Teresa to the boardroom - much to the chagrin of The Donald. If there’s one thing Trump can’t stand more than people who tell the truth (see: Lou Ferrigno), it’s people who value friendships.
Those two things don’t make for good reality TV, people! Get with it.
So through faults completely his own, Paul digs his own grave after he chooses to save his pal, and is sent packing.
“It’s kind of weird being fired,” he chuckles upon his exit, finally somewhat understandable from behind all his moustache hair, “I’m usually on the other end of the shoe.”
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